oh that baby...

   I know I blog A LOT about Camden and I am sorry...I just can't help myself. 

I remember when we found out we were pregnant with Camden,
we were hoping for a girl. We have always wanted one of each gender and in our minds at the time, having a little girl would complete our family. Silly me, God had BIGGER plans. 

Not only did we have another boy, but we had a hard pregnancy and a sick baby. Our lives were flipped upside down and at the time I thought life was spiraling out of control. God was there. He knew exactly what we needed and he placed him right into our arms. I remember feeling like something was always missing after Alexander turned one and I didn't know why. Like someone was missing...we weren't complete. Camden Thomas was missing...my heart is complete, our family is complete.

 He brings more joy to our family than I EVER thought imaginable. Sometimes when he laughs I cry...and I am not sure why. I don't know if it is because I never thought we would be where he is now or if its just because I love him so much. 

By the grace of God I can barely remember the NICU stay, counting his every breath till he was 3 months old, watching the light on his apnea monitor blink at night while he slept so I  knew he was still breathing. No, I hardly remember those days and honestly I never want to. What I do remember is unplugging him sometimes at night and placing him on my chest skin to skin. Feeling his every breath on me and breathing a sigh of relief because I knew he was okay.

Life with Camden hasn't been easy. Every. single. step. has been a struggle, but it has been more than a blessing to me. God has used Camden to bring me to my knees over and over again. Camden has made me a better wife, mother and friend. My husband and I have a deeper relationship and love for one another because of this sweet boy.

Why I ever doubted the Lord about who he placed in my womb, I will never know. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.'" James 1:17. Camden is good, Camden is perfect in every way and Camden is a gift from above.

 That baby..oh that baby. He brings joy to my soul everyday. Anthony and I have a special  time with him in the mornings before we get his big brother up. We laugh, giggle and cuddle and we can't help but be overjoyed.  The Lord knew exactly what our hearts needed....and it was Camden Thomas. Thanks be to God for choosing us to be his parents. I cannot imagine life without this amazing little boy and Alexander would be lost without his best friend. <3

                                                       

Its OK thursday...

   Decided to link up with Sara, one of my good friend from high school this morning on her "It's ok thursday" series!  Probably won't do it every Thursday. Just felt the need to join her today! :)

                                                           
  Happy Thursday ya'll!

   Its OK...

    that when my almost 3 year old asks me for the hundredth time "Why" I eventually decide to respond with "That is the question of the day isn't it?"

    that I hate going to the doctor SO much that I called 3 different nurses to clarify if I REALLY needed to go see my OBGYN. Thankfully the third one told me no and in the end she was right!

     that one of my best friends asked me yesterday if I wanted some Amish friendship bread and at first I thought "free home cooked bread!? Why yes, I would love some!" Only for her to tell me that I have to cook it and I laughed and told her No thanks!

   that Anthony keeps me updated on the news b/c even though I stay home all day I don't watch one min of tv...not one...seriously.

   that as I was washing my hands this morning Alexander decided to pull my pants down mid rinse! It's also ok that I was so shocked I didn't know how to respond!

   that sometimes the only way I make it through the day with a 2 year old and 9.5 month old is lots of praying, way to much chocolate and my best friend Alli.

   that even though I don't have a newborn anymore I sometimes still lay in bed at night and question whether I took a shower that day.

  that I eat oatmeal for breakfast and have everyday for the last 5 years!

  that Ant and I have been married 4 years in August and I have been pregnant or breastfeeding all but 4 months of those 4 years! Can we say hello hormones? Sorry babe!

  that I love my mini van and couldn't imagine my life without it!

  that I have seriously BROKEN every single cell phone I have ever owned.

   that I am 99.9999999% sure I am done having kids and Anthony will randomly bring up having a third!

                                            

Sunshine, popsicles and grace!

                We have been eating up the BEAUTIFUL weather here at the Fahed household! We have been practically living outside and the boys are enjoying it soooo much! I have a feeling its going to be one HOT summer, so we are trying to take advantage of it while we can! 

           The past few days we have been picnicking outside, digging in the dirt and taking turns going for rides in the tricycle.  One of my favorite moments this week was watching Alexander share his popsicle with Camden. The look on Camden's face was priceless when the cold lemon popsicle touched his tongue. Alexander and I laughed and laughed. Camden laughed too, after he got over the shock.

    Later I sat there watching Alexander laugh in delight with his little red face, blonde curly hair, the popsicle began to melt and run down his chubby arm. He was so happy and the moment was so innocent. I couldn't help but smile and feel the abundance of joy that filled my heart. I sat there soaking it all in, taking snapshots in my mind, hoping that I will never forget him at this fun stage.  It's moments like this that make it all worth while.  It's times like these I have to stop and thank God for the moment of grace. Moments like this, where time freezes and it's as if nothing else matters. It's moments like these that get me through the days, the weeks, and the months of motherhood. 

This what handsome looks like!

"Ugh, what was that?"

Camden trying to steal Alexander's lunch!

He's still working on me...

             He's still working on me
           To make me what I need to be
           It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
          The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
           How loving and patient He must be
           'Cause He's still workin' on me       

      I often find myself singing this to Alexander as we go about our daily tasks, and the more I sing it the more I realize how true it is about me.  One of the biggest things I have struggled with in my life is not forgiving. I forgive but I never forget, which is not true forgiveness. I have been carrying around way to much baggage in my heart and the Lord started convicting me about it after the birth of Camden. I admit I am an overly sensitive person, with a wicked memory. I can tell you what you did or said to me 10 years ago that hurt my feelings, what I was wearing, what you were wearing, and what we were both doing at the time. Yeah, unfortunately I have THAT kind of memory, just ask my husband.
     I set some spiritual goals for 2012 and one of them was to truly give all my baggage over to the Lord, forgive completely and to love unconditionally, no matter what the circumstances.  This is an EVERYDAY struggle for me. When I am faced with a certain person who hurts me for the hundredth time, I want to to give in, to crawl into my shell and say enough is enough. But a few scriptures repeat in my head as I have been studying forgiveness.

                 "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive 

my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”   Jesus answered,  “I tell you

not seven times, but seventy-seven times."  Matthew 18:21-22

  " Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible,as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord .On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."   
Romans 12:17-21

    I am writing about this because the flesh is still getting the best of me and I am earnestly praying about this area of my life. When the Lord started to work on me about this, I kept trying to justify why I had these awful feelings towards certain people. I told myself that I have always given people the benefit of the doubt, always tried to put myself in their shoes to see it from their prospective, and yet he reminded me that is not what I am suppose to do. If I want to be more like Christ I can't analyze the past and "try to put myself in my their shoes." I have to let it go and give it over to him.  He has commanded that we forgive no matter what, that we wipe the slate clean and that we love them unconditionally with everything that is within us.  No I am not saying I am going to be a door mat and let people walk all over me, and say what they want. I WILL stand up for myself after lots of time in prayer of course to make sure my heart is in the right place. But instead of being bitter I want to show them mercy, forgiveness and grace in abundance, just as he has shown me. So that is my goal. To forgive, to forget and to love unconditionally. I know that this can only be done through Him. So bare with me please, He is still working on me. He is changing me every day and oh the joy that has fills my soul when I trust in Him. Thank you Jesus. We only have this one life to live for the Lord. I choose love, I choose joy, I choose to forgive.

                                           

Never too young

          I have learned over the past few months that children are never to young to learn to...
                              

       *Pray* I want him to know Jesus is always there, listening and waiting for Alexander to spend time with him.

 * Take care of others*  Alexander loves to help take care of Camden.

                           .             

*Clean* This little man loves to clean and while he doesn't have certain chores yet, I encourage him to do whatever he can to help out around the house.

*Spend time in God's word* We love this story bible!

     Alexander is always learning and so am I....HE teaches me new things every day like what's really important in life and about the kind of mommy I really want to be.  I have been earnestly praying that the Lord would guide me as a mother and help me to plant a good seed in my two boys. I am starting to slowly see the fruits of my labor in Alexander. Although he is crazy, wild, and strong willed, he is MOSTLY loving, happy, wanting to read his little Bible, taking care of his baby brother, bowing his little head when we pray, and asking lots of questions when we talk about Jesus.  And although I often fail him miserably, he is learning about forgiveness as he constantly forgives me when I make mistakes.  I am so thankful for the opportunity to stay at home with him to teach, guide and encourage him as he has shown me lately that he is NEVER to young to learn!
                                                         

A momma hug...

    Every time I get on fb or talk with an old friend I find out someone from high school is pregnant or just had a baby! Its hard to believe we are all grown up and starting our own families. As I have mentioned before I love keeping up with girlfriends from high schools, especially watching their little bellies grow through fb pictures! I often get messages from friends asking what my number one "must have" thing is when having a baby. I often throw out all the materialistic things that come to mind that I couldn't possibly live without. But the more I get asked, the more I realize the most important thing through my last two pregnancies and raising my two beautiful boys is a mommy network.
   When Alexander was born I really didn't understand what I was getting myself into. I was lost in a sea of random idea that were thrown my way by people that had good intentions. After many tears, "I can't do this thoughts," colicky nights that I just didn't understand and struggles, I finally found an online mommy group with babies exactly Alexander's age that I absolutely loved! I often found myself texting my girlfriend Amber to see if she was going through the same thing with her daughter that we were going through. What a relief it was having a close friend that often said "yea us too!" Now  2.5 years later one of my best friends has a daughter that is almost 2 and my other best friend has 4 kids! I also have lots of LM support groups online.  I am absoluly blessed.
    My point is, yes a moby is good to have, yes a swaddleme blanket is something that will come in handy, but what you NEED is a momma network. What you need is a momma that is in the line of fire right along with you, not only one that is out! What you need is someone to vent to about how you got no sleep, that baby cried all night and you are so tired you could barely lift your DECAF cup of coffee up to your mouth, only for them to sigh and say they completely understand. I mean who doesn't need someone to talk to about their newborns constantly changing poop?! :)What you need is someone who tells you "this to shall pass" or "this is what worked for us." We need to reach out to each other, help each other, support each other, even if your parenting philosophies are completely different. My best friend Alli often says, "Us Mommas have to stick together!" She is right, its simply to hard on your own, and as much as we love our husbands, they will never understand! So if you come across fb comments of a momma really struggling, have a church friend that needs some advice, or know something that could make life easier for a momma....be her network, listen, tell her you understand, give advice and sometimes even give her a momma hug. :)
  

Being real....

 

                                      

    The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.~Steven Furtick

    I love, love, love reading blogs. I love following the adventures of long lost girlfriends from high school that I haven't seen in years and some lives of mommies that I don't even know. I have one main goal for my blog, that is being real. I don't want to come across that everything is perfect. Let me tell you my friends its not rainbows and butterflies around here 99.9% of time.  There are tears, arguments, trials, struggles, good times, beyond stressful times, anxiety that keeps me up at night, hugs, kisses, laughter and memories made around here almost every day. Life is HARD, striving to live as a believer in these times is HARD, motherhood is HARD, marriage is HARD. I want to be able to blog about this crazy life of ours and though I want to be honest, I don't want anyone to think we live a perfect life and I also don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. This is simply our life from my eyes and sharing my heart with friends/family is therapy to my soul. I found in the past couple weeks that it feels amazing just to "get it out" so to speak.  My prayer is that I can be honest, not offend anyone, maybe make you laugh, help some nerve wrecked mommy have someone to relate to, possibly help another LM mommy that is struggling and share wonderful stories of our boys with everyone who chooses to come by our blog. :)