He's still working on me...

             He's still working on me
           To make me what I need to be
           It took him just a week to make the moon and stars
          The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
           How loving and patient He must be
           'Cause He's still workin' on me       

      I often find myself singing this to Alexander as we go about our daily tasks, and the more I sing it the more I realize how true it is about me.  One of the biggest things I have struggled with in my life is not forgiving. I forgive but I never forget, which is not true forgiveness. I have been carrying around way to much baggage in my heart and the Lord started convicting me about it after the birth of Camden. I admit I am an overly sensitive person, with a wicked memory. I can tell you what you did or said to me 10 years ago that hurt my feelings, what I was wearing, what you were wearing, and what we were both doing at the time. Yeah, unfortunately I have THAT kind of memory, just ask my husband.
     I set some spiritual goals for 2012 and one of them was to truly give all my baggage over to the Lord, forgive completely and to love unconditionally, no matter what the circumstances.  This is an EVERYDAY struggle for me. When I am faced with a certain person who hurts me for the hundredth time, I want to to give in, to crawl into my shell and say enough is enough. But a few scriptures repeat in my head as I have been studying forgiveness.

                 "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive 

my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”   Jesus answered,  “I tell you

not seven times, but seventy-seven times."  Matthew 18:21-22

  " Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible,as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord .On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."   
Romans 12:17-21

    I am writing about this because the flesh is still getting the best of me and I am earnestly praying about this area of my life. When the Lord started to work on me about this, I kept trying to justify why I had these awful feelings towards certain people. I told myself that I have always given people the benefit of the doubt, always tried to put myself in their shoes to see it from their prospective, and yet he reminded me that is not what I am suppose to do. If I want to be more like Christ I can't analyze the past and "try to put myself in my their shoes." I have to let it go and give it over to him.  He has commanded that we forgive no matter what, that we wipe the slate clean and that we love them unconditionally with everything that is within us.  No I am not saying I am going to be a door mat and let people walk all over me, and say what they want. I WILL stand up for myself after lots of time in prayer of course to make sure my heart is in the right place. But instead of being bitter I want to show them mercy, forgiveness and grace in abundance, just as he has shown me. So that is my goal. To forgive, to forget and to love unconditionally. I know that this can only be done through Him. So bare with me please, He is still working on me. He is changing me every day and oh the joy that has fills my soul when I trust in Him. Thank you Jesus. We only have this one life to live for the Lord. I choose love, I choose joy, I choose to forgive.